Thursday, September 11, 2008

My own personal 9-11

Five years ago today I found out I was pregnant.

A week or so earlier I realized I was a few days late, then my grandfather died, I went back to school after 7 years, and my father let me know he was moving 1000 miles away - needless to say my "AF" was the last thing on my mind.

Tuesday the 9th I was feeling like shit, I was really crampy and uncomfortable but couldn't put my finger on it - I felt gassy more than anything (I hadn't re-realized I was late yet).

Wednesday the 10th I went to work and remember telling a friend how crappy I felt, I really thought it was bad gas - I had recently started taking some diet drug thing and also eating a lot of veggies. Chuck had practice that night and I was laying in bed in so much pain I was getting ready to call 911, but didn't want to because I had gone to bed in the buff and was too embarrassed to have paramedics come in and find me that way. Chuck came home later and I was finally able to sleep (again I somehow the thought of being pregnant still hadn't crossed my mind).

Thursday the 11th I got up and got ready for work as usual, I had some coffee and did my morning *ahem* business and felt pretty good. I left for work and started the day as usual. Around 9AM I started feeling shitty again, bad enough so this time I called the docs - the first thing they asked was if I could be pregnant. *LIGHTBLUB* I started looking at dates and realized I was over 2 weeks late. Oh Shit! How the fuck did that happen?!?!?! OK so I know the logistics behind it, but really when you're not married and are not really planning starting a family at that time the first thing you think is "Oh Shit! How the fuck did that happen?!?!?!". Doc sent me home to POAS (pee on a stick) and call with the results.

Since I lived over an hour away I decided to go to my mum's house instead since she was at work and I had a key. I stopped at the drug store on the way and picked up a HPT (home pregnancy test). I get in position and do what I need to do - 1 line not pregnant 2 lines pregnant. Wouldn't you know it - I get NO lines! defective test. So I had to go back to the store and get another one. I get back to the house and now of course can't pee if you paid me. Drink some coke, wait a bit, put my hand under running water, drink some more coke and finally able to go again. 2 lines - immediately. I dump out the coke because you're not supposed to drink caffeine when pregnant.

I call Chuck, and leave a message - he knew what was going on, message said "Um yea, I'm at my mum's call me''. I know he's going to know the results before even calling back. We talk and wow this is unexpected but ok we'll handle it no problem!

But something's wrong, I know it already. I've been in pain for weeks and now am almost doubled over - I've never been pregnant before but I know this isn't right.

It's a even longer story involving hospitals, ultrasounds, dr's giving me advice and shots of Methotrexate but the short of it is my first pregnancy is ectopic (as is the second and the third) and there's nothing they can do for that but end it.

It sucks but we handled it and here we are today with three great kids. Everything makes you stronger, I just wish I didn't need to be so strong.

(edited to add) I hope no one thinks I mean this in anyway compares to the actual 9-11, it's just the same day hence the title!

1 comment:

Monica LeMoine said...

Lis, you're so right - it sucks to have to be strong, but sometimes we just do have to be that way. It sounds like you've had some strength-testing experiences in your life. But look at you now!

Oh, and regarding your last post on my blog - glad somebody else understands the caffeine withdrawal! What made you decide to quit? Oh - and you're STILL feeling it??? That doesn't give me much hope. Blegh!